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On wednesday night/ thursday morning while tripping I had a fit and dislocated my shoulder.

I had it out all day thursday, cause i wasnt exactly sure what was wrong.

Anyway I went to the doctor on friday, who said straight away that i had to go to the hospital.

Long story short i got to hang around a hospital all day yesterday, Got some nitrous, got my shoulder poppped back in, had some blood tests and i  have to get a scan by a neurologist.

Its saturday now, i am still in pain and the fuckers didnt give me any thing to take. AND im all out of drugs..

Oh yeah, and lets not forget my parents are in fucking EGYPT at the moment.

I am assuming my mother  has been spat on at least once from the friendly gentlemen in egypt, due to her being a whore.

In other news. I am still obsessed with chad miller, death, my own delusions, drugs, satan [ see delusions]. Also includng, terror/horror/hard-core dance music..

Secretly, I just want someone to hold me and say "everything is ok"

But its not meant to be.
 

And Hey, before i forget, the BIG CHAANGES reguarding my last post or so was about my BLEACHING MY HAIR. Fucker its white as death.

When this is old and I am dead, a picture or so might still be available, but who cares?

The greatest thing about turning your hair from black to white is the bleach eating into your scalp.

The bleach rapes the colour molecules in your hair, essentially killing it. White as death.

Your scalp dies as well, and you are followed by days of scalp rot, like dandruff, as a layer or two from the skin of your head dies away and sheds itself. Besides looking AND feeling like a god, you become more attractive to old ladies and men for that matter.

This old bitch said "you are what my 18 year old grandaughter would say is  "hot""

Another group of my old bitches said i was " a good looking young boy" There was about 5 or 6 of them. 

At the moment I dont even really need to work cause all these old sluts just give me big tips while i stand around in their houses and rub lotion on my skin. but its all honest work in the end.  Today I stole money from one of my loyal customers, she often tells me that she wants to go to heaven so she can be with her husband, her son, the maintenance man at my work sells me weed he grows, at discount prices.

She has something called Shillings... or shill something. her teeth have rotted away and the dentist said she has no hope for them..  I wonder why she does not have fake teeth, but she MUST be THAT close to death its simply not worth it. She says "thanks a million, love" every time i serve her. And I No longer ask her how she is doing cause I am sick of her saying she wants to die.

Like i was saying,

I cannot really dedicate myself to this anymore,

But for the sake of a permanent record.
I just got home from an at least half an hour walk around cronulla at 4am,

I dressed really weird and took one of my dogs. We lit some fires and slashed up some cars, including the soft top of some car, which i unleashed on and tried to get into.. We also found this animal, i dont know if it was a cat or a possum, but me and my dog inspected it thoroughly,
Rigor mortis was doing its thing, so it was like it was frozen. we stabbed it for a little while, and puppy released rage upon is lifeless body. And we both laughed at it. I threw it under someones car after i exposed its innards, half eaten by the doctors of death. We lit some fires too.

We were both paranoid as we saw deliveries being dropped off near the 5 star resteraunts and hid in the shadows.

youthinasia

today at work i spoke to all my girlfriends at work, older than my parents. And after woods i ignored girls with young nipples, while on the bus ride to cronulla, as trains arnt running. They said i had nice hair and i asked what they thought of regarding consentual rape.

I went to the  bottle shop and bought 4 liters of quality white wine for less than what it costs for a chicken snitzel at my work. and an amstel and a heineken.

I m ade it home by 3pm and was drunk before half  past threee. 

I trolled 4chan with skill and professionalism, and made excellent terrortech music..  My new song is done soon, without deciding a name its going to be all about the violent rape and murder of a girl. I havnt really flexed my muscles as a degenerate mysonagistic pig with my strychnine material, so its about time. it sounds fantastic. Besides the evil musiic, there is a collage of girls screaming in terror which i  got from many sources. Cause i had to find the right 'sound'.

not long after 8pm i was so drunk i had to sleep for a few hours.. waking up at 11pm I got drunk and finished off the rest of my stash.

At the moment I havnt been drug free for over 3 months.

On saturday infact, blake had his birthday. Besides indulging in everything weird and  intoxicating, I did shots of absinth up my ass, besides this, I lived out a LIFE DREAM, which included doing lines of speed/EX in the shape of a swastika, pics on myspace.

I also managed to LOSE my  mobile phone in my own house. Its been five days and i still cannot locate that fucking bastard. 

But i dont mind. i dont like cellphones anyway..

I took the following day (sunday) off work, cause i wanted to - And went to a german beir cafe at fox studios instead, cause i can.

but besides this, for the  past few weeks my life has consisted of clubbing/orgies/drug abuse.

But NOW me and steph are seriously saving for germany.

yesterday I followed a girl home.


In shorthand, I am living the dream.
 

Two big changes. One is have stopped smoking, since a weekend or two ago. In an attempt to save money.

I would rather quit everything else and just have cigarettes. But i am yet to buy some.

I dont want to stop smoking at all. Also trying to cut down on drinking. And just smoking instead.

The other big change is useless in me saying without a picture. So lets not worry for now. 5 days old.

This has to stay some what updated right?

TOMORROW, I have my final exam at college.

MY diploma in Audio engineering is finished as of thursday.

In September I am going to Europe for about 3 weeks. (octoberfest..)

Trying to get together everything for a Strychnine EP / gigs

Also getting back into doing more music with Giraffes casino (was jeffs birthday tonight.. )

Work is all the same. I can function there absolutely smashed now. So its happening more often.

In attempts to save for Germany I am now ONLY (or trying) to just drink Goon ($11 for 5 liters)

Fuck not drinking every night. I just do it the cheap way.

And only buying one ounce of weed a month.

But in other aspects i am buying more drugs than ever. But i have never been hooked up l ike this before and its TOO easy.

what else?

Im getting better at keyboard. 

Strychnine probably has two or three new songs out since i last posted...

Lots of bloodplay. Where does it all end?
 

Every time I wake Up I dont really wake up because im dead.
every night i get up out of my coffin to drink some blood.

For the undead im quiet a  nice guy.

Tripping on wednesday wins.

Gunman in Santa suit kills eight in Christmas Eve massacre

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article5398705.ece

I dont feel compelled to write on this anymore.

I feel like personality is deteriorating.
I am just existing.
 

"Blake, stop corrupting my family"

"It can't be helped"

All of the Medium Effects, usually with a significantly more uncomfortable Coming Up, more pronounced nausea sometimes (rarely) resulting in vomiting, sometimes significant mental discomfort associated with feelings of fear and often times accompanying a "what have I done to myself" or "how far am I going" thought, the unpleasant Coming Up effects usually lessen with familiarity and more knowledge about the safety and character of mushroom effects. High Dose Effects are usually characterized by the closed eye visualizations being significantly more elaborate and enfolding, religious revelation, spiritual awakening, near death experiences, loss of self, talking to seemingly external, autonomous entities, extreme emotional responses, repressed memories coming to life, latent psychological crises can come to the surface, an increase in artistic sense, and intense feelings of wonder, connection, joy, fear. High Dose Effects can also include extreme time-dilation, with experiences of wall-clock minutes taking an experientially large amount of time, watching clocks or digital counters where the seconds seem to take minutes to count off. One of the most interesting effects is the feeling of awakening for the first time ever from a previous state of sleep, of liberation from what is now seen as a life-long state of bondage. Paradoxically, it is this new awareness which feels normal and natural and the previous fog which is seen to have been unreal all along. The bemushroomed seeker is convinced that, once gained, this awareness is impossible to lose, but inexplicably by the next day it is just a memory.

Thats fucking accurate. I got a bag of shrooms off a friend from work for no good reason at all.
But maybe he felt sorry for me.

I have this sippy cup. I fill em up with booze. I take them everywhere.

Today i had an extra large one. It was sort of raining. About 12am. I had been up extraordinarily early.

Thursday is my saturday. I usually sleep all day. But today i got up very early.

I passed out the night before at.. I dont even know what time... not long after 12?
So i had lots of sleep. (i think).. And just read about Carl Panzram from 6am....till not long before the tme i left.

So i started drinking pretty early. I had already been up seven hours.

The shit spilled everywhere. This military bag i got. is fucking waterproof..

I spilled half this container into my bag. It was like a plastic bag. And all my things were floating around inside.

My mp3 player. Cigarettes. wallet.

Of course i didnt do anything about it for two hours. so it all just soaked. 

My tobacco went everywhere. in this alcohol soup. so the whole thing is coated.. like carpet. with tobacco.

it smells like bourbon. I dont drink bourbon. Basically anything i drink at one point in the day goes there. so i have this stockpile for later. So it started with wine. Then cider, then bourbon with some other liquid that was red. it was  misorder but i took it anyway cause it was all spirits.

it was a healthy mix. then soak your bag in it.


anyway im tripping and this took me forever to write. its 4:18 
Started seriously eating them at about 2am. By three feeling it. Very nice.
 

Gig at lewisham failed.

Soundguy sucks at life.

more info @ strychnine blog on fagspace.